Sunday, September 18, 2011

when insults were a sport

  Those of you who know Mother Goat and I , know we enjoy a good insult . I am a fan of Groucho Marx he could deliver an insult and you'd want to thank him for it. These days we seem to have lost that ability. As Americans we have the admiration of most of the world. We should each d our part to at least be #1 in .delivering a good insult. If you can't say something nice about somebody at least insult him or her with class.

"We've been through so much together, and most of it was your fault."
            Ashleigh Brilliant

"Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?"
            Groucho Marx

"Well, I think we ought to let him hang there.  Let him twist slowly, slowly in the wind."
            John Ehrlichman

"What you said hurt me very much. I cried all the way to the bank."

"Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?"
            Milton Berle

"You're a parasite for sore eyes."
            Gregory Ratoff

"Some people stay longer in an hour than others can in a week."
            William Dean Howells

"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."
            Groucho Marx

"Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence."
            Ashleigh Brilliant

"The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind."
            Joseph Stilwell

"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."
            Groucho Marx

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
            Jack E. Leonard

"They don't hardly make 'em like him any more - but just to be on the safe side, he should be castrated anyway."
            Hunter S. Thompson

"I'll bet your father spent the first year of your life throwing rocks at the stork."
            Irving Brecher

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
            Groucho Marx

"You're a good example of why some animals eat their young."
            Jim Samuels

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
            Irvin S. Cobb

"If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?"
            Charles Pierce

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
            Groucho Marx  (so it's not an insult, I still liked it)

"In her single person she managed to produce the effect of a majority."
            Ellen Glascow

"I've had them both, and I don't think much of either."
            Beatrix Lehmann (watching a  wedding.)

"Pushing forty? She's hanging on for dear life."
            Ivy Compton-Burnett

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
            Mark Twain

"I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along."
            Groucho Marx

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."
            Stephen Bishop

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
            Clarence Darrow

"I never liked him and I always will."
            Dave Clark

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
            Fred Allen

"I regard you with an indifference bordering on aversion."
            Robert Louis Stevenson

"I thought men like that shot themselves."
            King George V

"Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did."
            Groucho Marx

"He hasn't an enemy in the world - but all his friends hate him."
            Eddie Cantor

"He looked as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food."
            Raymond Chandler

"He's completely unspoiled by failure."
            Noel Coward

"He's liked, but he's not well liked."
            Arthur Miller

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
            Mae West

"I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest."
            Steven Pearl

"I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight."
            Mark Twain

"Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you."
            Groucho Marx

"Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome."
            Oscar Levant

"Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others."
            Winston Churchill

"Fine words! I wonder where you stole them."
            Jonathan Swift

"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
            Groucho Marx

"Gee, what a terrific party. Later on we'll get some fluid and embalm each other."
            Neil Simon

"You had to stand in line to hate him."
            Hedda Hopper

"You have a good and kind soul. It just doesn't match the rest of you."
            Norm Papernick

"You take the lies out of him, and he'll shrink to the size of your hat; you take the malice out of him, and he'll disappear."
            Mark Twain

"You're a mouse studying to be a rat."
            Wilson Mizner

"Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!"
            Groucho Marx

"You were born with your legs apart. They'll send you to the grave in a Y-shaped coffin."
            Joe Orton

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